This past weekend, I had a chance to speak with three happily married friends who confessed that they were big Divorce Doula fans. I was a little surprised, but extremely pleased to hear how much they enjoyed my blog, because I kind of assumed that my audience consisted of mostly divorced people or those contemplating a divorce. And my mom, of course (Thanks, Mom!)
It would appear that happily married folks, happily divorced people, not so happily divorced people, DINKS, SINKS, business contacts and even complete strangers are Divorce Doula fans. Some were “secret” Divorce Doula fans: one woman told me she reads my blog in private because she wouldn’t want her husband to think she was plotting divorce (she totally isn’t). Another friend confided that she & her husband read my blog together & discuss the similarities of our two very different lives. Perhaps most poignant was an unmarried friend who told me that I was redefining what divorce looks like: I offer a story of hope & inspiration for people who can check their egos at the door and put the needs of their children first after they have divorced.
When people talk to me about my blog, they often use words like “honest” and “raw” and (sometimes) “funny.” If you know me IRL, you know that I lack a filter; what I think is what I say and I may have (read: most certainly) offended a few people over the years with my outside voice. I make a concerted effort to never be mean, but like Seth MacFarlane at the Oscars, I can sometimes manage to piss off everyone. Call it a gift.
When I first started writing this blog, I didn’t really have a goal or target audience in mind. I wrote to express my gratitude for having a civil & respectful relationship with my ex and to chronicle some of the experiences I have had post-divorce: co-parenting, single motherhood, dating, falling in love again, finding my tribe & learning who my real friends were. It has become a forum for me to share my story – the good, the bad & the downright ugly – with those who were in the process of divorcing their best friends (or in some cases, the stranger they were married to for over a decade) but I am happy that it has an audience outside of the Divorce Mafia (thanks for that one, DB).
I read something today that beautifully summed up my intention for this blog:
“You don’t write things you believe. You write to find out what you believe.”
Adam Phillips has written and lectured extensively on the subject of insanity & madness among writers, so he knows whereof he speaks. I think that by writing this blog (and also writing as my alter ego at BLUNTmoms) I have kept the crazy at bay & made my post-divorce life not only sane but also kind of fantastic.
In writing Divorce Doula, I have discovered that I believe that there is life after divorce, that I love my children more than anything on the planet (vintage French champagne with Wavy Lays potato chips runs a close second), and that sharing my story is making a difference. It may help someone take that terrifying first step to leaving an unhappy marriage or to gratefully hold their spouse a little closer tonight. Whatever Divorce Doula means to you, I thank you for reading & hope you’ll continue to find it instructive, intriguing & inspirational. And I love hearing from you – on my Facebook page, on Twitter, in the comments section below or on the soccer pitch – so please drop me a line if something I’ve written has stuck a chord. In the meantime, I’ll do my best to keep it honest, real & entertaining.
Not divorced and love your blog. I look forward to keeping up with you and your writing to find out “what you believe”! XO
First off I want to say terrific blog! I had a quick question that I’d like to ask if you don’t mind.
I was curious to find out how you center yourself and clear
your mind before writing. I have had a difficult time clearing my mind in getting my thoughts out there.
I truly do take pleasure in writing but it just seems like the first 10 to
15 minutes are usually wasted just trying to figure out how to begin.
Any ideas or hints? Thank you!
Oh, Rosella. I wish I had some words of wisdom to impart but the reality is that I write when I have something to say. I don’t force myself if it doesn’t come naturally & I think that’s been key to maintaining an authentic voice. Also: don’t be afraid of writing crap for 10 or 15 minutes (or longer). That’s the beauty of a blog; you can keep your posts in draft form until you are ready to publish. I’ve often had posts sitting in draft form for weeks – sometimes months – at a time. The act of writing can be cathartic & rewarding, even if you don’t share. Good luck & let me know where I can read more!